It’s like “Monkey see, monkey do”….why not target all?

By Princess B. Abuluyan

While I was driving this morning, I could not help but notice in the rear view mirror, the woman driving in the car behind me. She was a car’s distance away from me, but she was also happily chit-chatting away on her cell phone.

I glance at the time, it shows 8:32. Who is this woman talking to? Who knows?

There are cars everywhere—that’s for sure. It’s the usual blanket of cars that cover the streets traveling through slow bumper to bumper traffic to their destinations.

I’m thinking, “Woman, this is not the time to be talking on your cell phone…pay attention.”

I’m approaching a red light, so I begin to gradually press my right foot on the brake. I also glance in the rear view mirror to check whether or not this preoccupied woman behind me noticed my brake lights.

I am shocked at what I see?

Not only is she still talking on her cell phone with her left hand, but she is also reaching her right hand over to the passenger seat beside her, perhaps rummaging through her purse in search for something.

I was at a complete stop now, and seriously, this woman’s eyes stayed glued towards the passenger seat beside her, her hand still moving around in search of that something, and her mouth was still talking into the cell phone that was still in her hand.

I was thinking, “Woman, you better stop—bring your car to a stop soon or else you’re going to end up rear ending my car!”

The light turned green and I pressed on my gas to move away from a close call.

The woman behind me changed lane to the left, she passed me, and I let out a sigh—relief.

Often, perhaps too often, people are seen talking, or even text messaging, on their cell phones while driving.

A car may be seen swerving a bit out of lane…oh, that’s because the driver is talking on a cell phone and is not concentrating on the road.

A car may be traveling too slow…oh, that’s because the driver is sending a text message and all eyes are on a cell phone and hands typing away at the key pad.

Obviously, cell phones and driving is a dangerous combination. And to know that, is common sense. Using a cell phone while driving is a distraction, and drivers forget too easily that it causes car accidents.

But hey, perhaps common sense goes flying out the window, gone with the wind. Drivers will still use their cell phones anyway.

It has become so common, it happens every day.

Well, with that said, some Californians may be glad about Senate Bill 33, which will take effect July 1, 2008. It will be illegal for Californians to use their cell phones, or any kind of electronic communication device while driving. Even hands-free devices will be illegal.

And here is the part that stirs up a level of controversy—the bill will only apply to 16- and 17-year-old drivers.

Is it fair to only target teen drivers under age 18?

Teens are not the only drivers who use cell phones while driving. Adults use them too. What is the difference?

Using a cell phone is using a cell phone, regardless of a person’s age.

What depends is the level of common sense that drivers have to make responsible decisions while driving.

If the cell phone starts ringing in the car, can the driver manage answering that phone call and still drive safe at the same time?

Perhaps, the driver should wait for a red stop light, because it’s possible to check missed calls or voicemails sooner or later. Perhaps, even just for during that red light period.

Drivers should have a sense of what they are capable of doing while driving, and know the appropriate times to use a cell phone.

Recall the woman who was driving behind me this morning. That’s right, she was a woman. She definitely did not look like a 16- or 17-year-old driver to me. And I didn’t mention the first time that she also wears glasses!

So, if this woman were to drive in the same accident prone manner as she did this morning on the day Senate Bill 33 is set into motion, the bill would not apply to her?

But if a 16- or 17-year-old were to drive like that, it’s a violation and that driver would have to pay a $20 fine at the lowest cost.

Where is the fairness in that?

Senate Bill 33 should apply to all California drivers.

Usually, it is the older people who are supposed to set a good example, and younger people will hopefully follow.

It’s like “Monkey see, monkey do.”

But driving laws do get broken. Some drivers run red lights. But if nobody sees it, is it a violation?

In some cases, it’s a matter of being caught in the act.

Who knows if Senate Bill 33 will reduce driver distraction and car accidents?

Drivers under age 18 will probably still use their cell phones while driving.

They could still talk on their cell phones, set on speaker and placed on their laps. On the outside, it wouldn’t be certain whether or not they are talking on their cell phones. They could just be singing along with the radio. Right? It’s a possibility.

“Mirror mirror on the wall…”

By Princess B. Abuluyan

She is not just anybody.

She is a daughter. She is a sister. She is an aunt. She may even be a cousin.

Perhaps, you know someone who is just like her.

She is family.

Somewhere in this world…a young girl wakes up in the morning, gets out of bed, and walks to one corner of her bedroom. There’s a mirror standing there. She positions herself in front of it and stays there for a long while…long enough to carefully analyze the image she sees staring back at her.

This girl does this every day—it’s become a part of her morning routine.

She lets out a sad sigh. Thoughts are running through her mind.

“This face is too round. These shoulders are too big, and arms too fat. These thighs are hideously wide, and this waist could be smaller. Ugh, and look at that belly.”

REALITY CHECK! What belly? And that waist couldn’t be any smaller. For crying out loud, her pants are a size zero and her shirt, a size small.

Honestly, what do some teenage girls and young adult women see when they look in the mirror at their bodies?

Anorexia nervosa…it could be a case of anorexia nervosa.

Dictionary.com defines anorexia nervosa is “an eating disorder primarily affecting adolescent girls and young women, characterized by pathological fear of becoming fat, distorted body image, and excessive dieting.”

Familydoctor.org says, “People with anorexia may believe they would be happier and more successful if they were thin.”

Unfortunately, we live in a society that places a high value on image. We have created an image of perfection, of what a beautiful body is.

Every day, people are exposed to images of thin women shown in the media. Most models show tall and thin bodies—the sexy “hour glass” or “coke bottle” shaped kind of bodies.

In most cases, our image is our very own key to acceptance. In some cases, however, our image is a look to die for.


REALITY CHECK! It is not a healthy look.

A girl who has anorexia nervosa will usually look at herself in the mirror, and she will think that she’s fat, even though in reality, she’s not. And it’s all in her mind, regardless of what her eyes are seeing. Her eyes could be seeing a thin body in the mirror, but in her mind, the translation is, “Eewww! I look disgusting. I’m fat!”

“Ding-ding-DING.” The sound of an alarm goes ringing off in this girl’s head, and it’s like some sort of signal telling her she’s got to lose some weight, either exercise more often or eat less.

Don’t even think about doing that! What about some therapy or counseling instead?

Anorexia nervosa can develop into a serious health issue, given that girls who suffer from it will severely starve themselves of the food and nourishment their bodies need. Some are not aware of what they are doing to their physical health and well being. They could use some very much needed attention, ASAP.

Families should definitely get involved. Family members should not pretend that everything is okay, or that their sister or daughter or whoever has anorexia nervosa is just going through a phase.

Do something about it. It may be a difficult situation to deal with, especially if girls who have anorexia nervosa refuse to believe they have a problem. Still, families can provide endless help and support, and show that they care—it can make a difference.

It strikes me when I hear my younger female cousins complain and whine about the way they look. I have a teenage cousin who will usually say, “I feel so fat.” I give her this look of wanting to slap some kind of sense into her as she repeatedly squeezes at her stomach…at a fat that’s not even there!

She’s taller and skinnier than I am. It makes me think, “Gee…if she says she’s fat, what does that make me?” Ouch!

I always tell her, “Are you serious?!” Stop it, you’re not fat. You’re beautiful just the way you are, and I love you.”

I have a friend who was once sad about being fat, or so she thought she was. Of course, I looked at her with crazy eyes because she is way too far from ever being considered fat.

She is the same age as I am, 21 years old, and she can still shop for her clothes in the kids’ section, which she does do sometimes. Her tops are extra-small, and bottoms are a size one or two. She decided she was “fat” when she could no longer fit into an extra-small t-shirt. Now, she wears a size small. Wow, big difference. Not!

I told her, “Stop being crazy, you’re over exaggerating. You’re not even fat, you wear a size small t-shirt. Maybe, you should eat more.”

Teenage girls and young adult women should understand that they don’t have to be thin. Beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes.

Familydoctor.org says, “The most important thing that family and friends can do to help a person with anorexia is to love them.”




http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/common/mentalhealth/eating/063.html

Bad service…a look at two sides of the matter.

By Princess B. Abuluyan

Is it always fair to be upset and make a scene with the waiter over bad service?

And over what scenario of bad service exactly? Because the “waiter” is taking too long to bring you your food? That is not necessarily the waiter’s fault. Oh, has it been over half an hour? Maybe you should have ordered an appetizer then. Well, not if you don’t want to. But perhaps, instead of mouthing off to the waiter, you should march your hungry self to the kitchen in the back and ask the people who actually cook and prepare the food about the delay. Or you could look around you, and suddenly realize how full of people the restaurant is packed with and will have to serve tonight. Still, the waiter maintains a positive attitude towards you, and manages to apologize anyway for the restaurant’s inconvenience of your having to wait a while longer for your food to be served.

Everyone has their own definition of what “bad” service is, built up on their personal experience. And there are no warning signals, no alarms ringing off in the distance. Bad service can occur anytime, anyplace. Dine at a restaurant, and you just may taste a little dose of reality—bad service is inevitable. It happens, so wipe the surprised look off your face because it definitely is nothing new.

Something new then, could be viewing bad service through a waiter’s eyes. Put yourself in a waiter’s shoes. Open your eyes to view the other side of bad service—the waiter who is automatically viewed as the cause of restaurant bad service in most cases. But hey, it is not always easy to please customers given some situations.

Turn the tables around and take a second bite out of reality. You may think that some waiters can be rude, and treat you poorly. But, in some situations, it is the customers who can be rude to the waiters, and treat them poorly. And what happens next, do they seriously expect to receive good service from their waiter after that? Waiters most likely let it go, and continue on with their job. There’s not much they can do about it, now is there? Except that they could spit in your food, and then serve it to you. No, that was only a joke.

But acknowledge the point here. Some customers can drive a waiter crazy. Some customers can be demanding. They can come into a restaurant after having a bad day or just having a personal problem on their mind, and whether they are aware of it or not, they take their frustrations out on the waiter. They don’t smile, they look completely upset, and give their order to the waiter in a commanding tone of voice. The waiter wonders, “What happened to the customers’ usual saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at the end of an order?”

With that said, customers should keep an open mind about how they define what bad service is. Okay, so maybe a waiter gets your order wrong, or doesn’t check in on you to refill your empty glass while you’re eating. View both sides of the scenario before you open your mouth to describe the waiter’s service was bad. Does the waiter look like he/she is having a bad day? Waiters, just as much as customers and all human beings, have bad days too. They have their own problems that they’re going through too. And despite that, they still bring themselves to work when they’re supposed to, all just to serve the customers. Some waiters are juggling being a full time college student and working at the same time. So that could be taken into consideration also.

In some situations, it is okay to cut waiters some slack. They see probably over one hundred faces every day on the job, and cover countless tables, continuously taking orders and serving food—some days on the job can be so busy that the work can become overwhelming. And who knows if your waiter had to previously deal with a rude customer before moving on and becoming your waiter? They deal with a lot of different kinds of people and attitudes every day on their job.

Remember those childhood days? …sure you do.

By Princess B. Abuluyan

Do you remember the day you were born? Scratch that question, no one expects you to answer “yes” to that. Of course you don’t remember. That is because when we are brought into the world, we are born not knowing much, if anything, about life and the ways of living. Each and every one of us is born having a clean state. We don’t know anything.

But as we grow older--from babies through our “terrible twos,” and from children to teenagers to young adults--we are taught and learn right from wrong. That includes being taught to have good manners. Right? Hopefully, all of us can answer “yes” to that question. And hopefully, the good manners we were taught growing up, we display and hold on to throughout our lives.

What is it with children who have bad manners? There are children who do not say “please” and “thank you,” or even “excuse me” when necessary.

Some children develop bad habits like biting, hitting, or spitting to name a few. You may have seen it happen--perhaps a child spits in someone’s face--and you shake your head from left to right because you know that’s not appropriate behavior, and you think in your mind, “Oh my gosh, what in the world is wrong with you child?”

How about children who pick their nose in public? And most children, if not all, will fling their boogers or wipe them on the nearest object within their touch, or maybe even on a person like you. Or even worse, they take a sample and eat their boogers right in front of you. You’re probably disgusted by the very thought of it and thinking right now, “Eewww, that’s gross,” or something along those lines. Surely, the same reaction remains in response to children who chew with their mouth open when they are eating, or those who cough or sneeze without covering their mouth.

Let’s not forget about children who have the nerve to talk back to their parents or elders. That is without a doubt disrespectful behavior. And it’s understandable that situations like this can be difficult and frustrating to deal with. The same goes for children who use profanity. We begin to wonder how these young children ever learned in the first place, how to talk back or use foul language. Where, oh where, did their good manners go? Perhaps they never had them to begin with, and that is why children need the attention and guidance to be taught good manners as they are growing older.

Children should be taught that there is a difference between expressing how they feel and talking back. Parents may feel like wanting to hit their child for talking back or saying the “F” word. But hitting a child can teach that child that it’s acceptable to hit other people. It is a more positive approach to be patient and talk the problem out. It can teach children to talk their problems out.

Those of us who are parents, or people who have experienced being around children who have bad manners, can only imagine what might be going on in these children’s minds.

We may wonder, for example, “What was that kindergarten girl thinking when she decided to bite her classmate’s arm?” Or, “What was that boy thinking when he hit his little sister because she was playing with his toys?” Where do parents even begin to start teaching their children good manners?

Raising children is not an easy task. Who ever said it was easy anyways? And should we blame or be angry at children for not knowing how to act or behave appropriately?

In public places, a store for example, you may come across a boy throwing a tantrum in the electronics department because his mom refuses to buy him a new video game. He is crying outrageously and stomping his feet, and his mom is completely embarrassed and tells him, “Stop it right now, or I’m going to spank you!”

Parents deserve the right to teach their children the ways of living. By all means, feel free and go ahead and put your foot down. Don’t tolerate bad manners. Let children know what is and is not acceptable behavior. But don’t allow yourselves to lay a hand on them, because that is never a fair way to deal with the situation. Children will be children; they’re only children. Don’t forget the fact that you too, were once a child--“been there, done that.”

It is not so much that children who have bad manners are necessarily “bad” children. Don’t look at it that way. Children having bad manners only lack the knowledge of what it is to have good manners. They have yet to be taught and to understand.