D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
These days, divorce is definitely nothing new.
A lot of my old friends, and even some friends I have recently gotten to know, have divorced parents.
“One out of two marriages ends in divorce,” says writer Amber Martin in her paper titled “Divorce and its impact on children.”
Unfortunately, “till death do us part” is no longer what it used to be. Well, at least not for those couples who happily marry, and then later file for divorce.
Oh dear, where did marriage fall apart?
Perhaps “till nerves do us part” is the better way to put it.
Families receive the news of a relative’s divorce and their initial reaction is usually, “What! What happened?”
Why do couples divorce anyway? Whatever the reason, divorce is not necessarily a wrong maneuver. Honestly, is divorce so wrong? Hey, if marriage isn’t going well and the love is lost, why stay tied to the knot?
Some couples stay married for the sake of their children. And that could actually be a wrong maneuver.
“Over one million children a year experience their parents' divorce,” says Martin.
Martin mentions the negative impact on children feeling abandonment, guilt and anxiety over the experience.
Yes, divorce has an impact on children. But so do parents who continue to stay together even though they know their marriage is no longer a happy one. The flame of love burns out. A couple that was once so much in love and inseparable, can no longer stand being in each other’s company. They can’t ever agree on anything anymore, it’s always a disagreement to fight over. Or, they find out things about each other that they never knew about before they were married.
An unhappy marriage is most likely to develop an unhappy family. Parents need to think real well about the well being of their children. They should ask themselves, “What’s best for them?” And even the question, “What’s best for me?”
A close friend of mine from high school, he’s a real positive 21-year-old who is responsible and knows right from wrong--that’s what I admire about him. His parents divorced when he was 12-years old. Thinking back, he says his parents were always arguing. And today, they still argue. Like cat and dog, he describes, they can’t stand to be around each other—they get on each other’s nerves.
How did the divorce impact his life? “That’s why I am who I am today,” he says. Since his parents’ divorce, he feels that he had to grow up right then and there. And although he admits that the divorce will probably always haunt him, he still manages to keep a positive attitude and strives to do big things and go far in his life.
So, children experiencing their parents’ divorce does not necessarily mean the end of the world for them. It could be for the better, depending on how they choose to approach the situation and how much they understand what actually happened between their parents. As much as children may want their parents to stay together, it’s important that their parents are happy together. If not, then separation is probably the best way to go. Because a marriage that suffers, could be a family that suffers.
According to 2002 marriage and divorce statistics on www.divorcemag.com, 10% of the U.S. population is divorced.
Marriage can be a struggle at times. And arguments between a couple can either help make their marriage stronger, or tear it apart.
Arguing occurs in marriage—it’s normal. Besides, every one has their share of arguments. It’s inevitable, and it happens. But too much arguing is negative. Just think of those children who are living in a home where their parents are constantly arguing and not getting along. There’s back and forth name calling, loud angry voices feuding, and perhaps even the throwing of objects. Without a doubt, children experiencing their parents behave this way can be disturbing, emotional and traumatizing. It’s far from being a healthy environment to live in. People can only imagine what children might be going through, what their ears hear or eyes see. Children should not have to be exposed to their parents fighting all the time.
It may cause children to think that it is okay to always be arguing in a marriage. “No matter what the downfalls, marriage is forever
baby!”
Well, not necessarily.
And this is not to say that parents shouldn’t try to work their problems out first. By all means, go for it. There’s a possibility marriage can be saved. But, parents should have some sense of when to draw the line. Parents should know when to stop trying to make something work that they know isn’t going to work.
This also goes for unmarried couples who live together and have children. In the United States, the number of unmarried couples living together is 5.5 million according to www.divorcemag.com. Lets face it, they’re just as good as married, but without the rings and contract.
One of my older cousins had a baby girl with his former girlfriend. They lived together, but never married. Unfortunately, shortly after their child’s first birthday, his girlfriend left. Their relationship fell apart, and she was no longer the girl my cousin used to know and fell in love with. When a couple lives together, they’re bound to learn more about each other, whether good or bad. With this relationship, my cousin would leave money for his girlfriend to pay the bills. But the bills would go unpaid. And the money? Who knows where it was spent? The bottom line, it led to arguments, and lies. So the couple separated, and they share custody of their child. No more arguments, life is better.
U.S. marriage and divorce statistics in 2000 says:
- the number of single fathers is 2.04 million
- and the number of single mothers is 9.68 million
My cousin freely gave me some advice from his experience. He says, “Don’t lie to yourself. If a relationship really isn’t working, don’t waste your time trying to make it work. You got to be happy.”
My parents are still together. Just eight days ago, on October 7, it was their 26th wedding anniversary. And I have to admit, after 26 years, they’re still a very much in love and happy couple. What can I say, seeing my parents that way makes me feel happy. There’s no other better reason to stay together.
2 comments:
My parents are still together after 22 years.. which haven't always been happy and definately needed some work. But sometimes it's worth hard times!
I think this column bounced around too much and needed to focus on what I believe (not feel) the main point was: divorce isn't always a bad thing.
But that information got kind of all spun around in the piece.
And the statistics that are quoted are pretty dated, but also seem at odds with the early part of the story.
If one in two marriages end in divorce, it would seem there should be a lot more divorced people in the U.S., although that number might in in there somewhere.
Where did this piece go wrong? By trying to tackle too much. An outline, a draft (which could be read by a classmate or roommate or colleague) and then a final shot would make it stronger.
Find a main point and stick with it, referring back to it from time to time.
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