“Once a cheater, always a cheater!” Right?

By Princess B. Abuluyan

A mother cries every night since she found out the shocking news that caused a dose of pain to pierce into her heart. The children are tucked into their beds ready to go to sleep, but can hear their mother sobbing uncontrollably. They don’t know exactly what’s going on, but they do know their father hasn’t come home yet. And why is that?

A sister discovers a crinkled piece of paper in her husband’s pants pocket while she’s loading dirty clothes into the washer. There’s a phone number on it. And right above that, a name. What does this mean? And who’s Emma?!

A cousin is cleaning her bedroom. Her eyes spot a bra slightly peeking from underneath the bed. Normally, she’d toss it into the laundry basket. Except the only problem is, she takes a closer second look and realizes the bra isn’t hers. Well, who does it belong to then?

What do the women in the stories above have in common? Their man is cheating on them! And here’s the bottom line, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Right? So tell the two timing Jack to “hit the road”—this relationship is over!

But it’s often not so easy to say goodbye.

A woman who has been cheated on can feel the biggest amount of pain she has ever had to feel in her life. A different kind of pain than getting physically wounded. It’s mental pain, internal and emotional. Unlike a cut or bruise that will eventually heal and be forgotten, the pain of being cheated on is a stab in the back remembered forever. It can hit a woman so hard, the pain can seem unbearable like life for her, as she knows it, is over. The moment she unravels the secret that is “the other woman,” she may feel as if she can’t breathe anymore and her heart has stopped beating.

“How could he do this to me?”

She can’t believe it. Perhaps she doesn’t want to.

“No, I must be out of my mind. He would never hurt me like that. He loves me.”

Okay, so she’s fighting the truth.

Of course, she still loves her man very deeply. After all, she’s not the one who cheated. Perhaps that’s why it can be difficult for a woman to be straight forward and easily say, “You cheated on me! It’s over between us.” Because she’s still holding on to what used to be—the happiness and love that used to be. She’s stuck—“blinded by love.”

Any story of a husband who cheats on his wife is upsetting. But it happens. A friend of my cousin had been with her husband for eleven years. She was pregnant with their second child when he left her for the woman he’d been having an affair with. Ouch! How could he do that? To his family? Did the other woman know he was a married man with 1 child and expecting another? She ought to be ashamed of herself right? Why would any woman want to be with a guy who cheats on his wife? He could do the same to her.

There’s no excuse for infidelity. Cheating is wrong. You women who have been cheated on, your eyes could cry an endless stream of tears for days. Take that pain you’re going through and let it strengthen you. Forgive and move on to a better life. It’s his loss. Don’t blame yourself for something you didn’t do and had no control over. He cheated, he and only he is responsible for that. Don’t focus all your anger at the other woman, because he had just as much to do with it as she did. Confront him, not her. And fight every urge to seek revenge on the couple, be the better person.

What if he apologizes and still wants to be with you? Do you open your heart back up to him? Could you ever trust him? Could you go through another round of pain if he cheats a second time? Don’t tolerate a man who cheats. Yes it’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love. But a man who sacrifices his wife and kids to be with another woman? Is that love? Seriously, you deserve better than that! And so do the kids!

The same goes for man, if it’s woman who cheats.